The biggest complaint I have this year is that Ted Turner keeps playing all those old movies with Robert Goulet in 'em! I've shot out no less that three TV sets up here. NASA is getting' pissed because those replacement TV's take up too much weight in every new shuttle launch. They've already cut back on my Krispy Kreme donut deliveries. At least I stopped them astronauts from filchin' my stash on the way up here. I jammed some extra silk scarves I keep around (for the female astronauts, y'know) into their vacuum hose attachments in the "space john". It gets kinda' messy but they got the point, so I get all my donut shipments now.
My staff told me you brought your family by Graceland not too long ago. That was nice of you to drop by the old homestead. I wish I could have been there to take you upstairs to the "no visitor" area, but if I came down there I'd have all my body weight back again and… well, I guess I've just gotten too used to being weightless at my age. You should see my windmills and karate moves up here! Next time you wanna' visit let my staff know and they'll arrange for you guys to go up and check out my "secret war room" on the second floor which contains some of my favorite weapons and law enforcement memorabilia (including some pretty racy pictures of me and J. Edgar around the ol' bong). I also have a computer link there and you can contact me up here. I'd love to say "howdy" to Robert and give him some sage music advice from the ol' master.
Please tell the folks down there that the view is looking pretty grim. I see world peace is no closer, world hunger is still rampant, and the good ol' US of A is still eroding from all the patsy-assed politicians trying to get a vote any way they can while at the same time talking out of both sides of their big mouths. For starters they could re-evaluate the current trend of sweeping our old folks under the carpet like they don't exist. And what about a national health care policy, illegal immigrants, and the homeless?? You know you can't keep this crap up. It's gonna' come back someday (soon) and bite you on the ass!
The only thing I've really been missing is the great July 4th parties we used to have at Graceland. Boy Howdy did we have fun shooting rockets and candlesticks at each other. I'll never forget that time I hit ol' Red's brother right in the chest with a big rocket! He had to get 12 stitches for that one. It's amazing it didn't just blow his heart out his backside. They won't let me play with fireworks up here because of the rich oxygen content of the air in this here tin can. Oh well……
I had to change my email address because some hacker from India discovered it and sold it to some local spammers and for three months I got all this adware and crap about porn sites, male enhancements, and something called Hoodia. I don't know…..
Keep rockin' !!
<Big E> Somewhere in Space - Sunday December 31, 2005 at 11:51 PM
Keep the faith!
<Wes Jolly> January 1, 2007 11:14 PM